When your coworkers hate you

When your coworkers hate you

Today I’m going to talk about a bit of an unpleasant topic: What to do when your coworkers hate you.

There can be pretty much be only two reasons for this. The first is that you are a jerk and the second is that they are jerks. Fortunately something can be done in both situations.

In a situation where several or all of your coworkers seem to hate you, it’s unfortunately highly likely you are the jerk and deserve the hate. There are situations where this might not apply, especially if it’s a new job, so don’t get insulted just yet. I’ll talk more about that in a minute.

No matter who’s at fault and what the reason is, it’s important to do your best to resolve the situation.

Hate is a very string negative feeling that we feel in all our body. It’s saps the energy and joy from both participants, the hater and the hated.

Even though hate is such a negative feeling, some people seem to get addicted to it. It’s a form of power you can use on other people. It gives you a sense of control.

When there’s something wrong in your own life or you have low self-esteem, hate can give an overwhelming sense of power. The unfortunate thing is that being hateful towards others is only going to leave people worse off, it’s never a solution to anything.

I’d like to point out that healthy aggression and defending yourself and your honor are not the same as hate. Feeling aggressive towards someone who is threatening you or your loved ones is only human and usually a healthy thing if you can keep your cool and asses the situation correctly.

But when you start hoping that bad things would happen to someone and feel bitter and envious of their success you are feeling actual hate. Add name-calling and trash talking behind back and you have the stereotypical hateful office place jerk.

The bad thing about hate and hateful people is that it can really kill other peoples work motivation and the general vibe of a work place. It’s contagious in a way.

So many times in a situation where you feel like your coworkers hate you, they are actually feeling like you hate them as well. And if you are honest with your self, you will probably recognize this is true.

This is because being the target of hate will pretty much raise your defenses and make you hate the hater. Most workplace drama is caused by situations like this.

It doesn’t matter which one started it, but everything said and done by the other counterpart will be interpreted with a negative vibe indefinitely or until something is done to resolve the situation.

So it might be you, it might be them, but it’s likely both.

Oh I almost forgot, there’s a third option. It’s all in your head!

How to determine if it’s you

If you feel like anywhere you go in your life you end up being picked on, bullied and trash talked I’m sorry to break it to you, it might be time to take a hard honest look in the mirror.

The unfortunate thing is that the people who go to this category will probably click on the back button of their browser right about now. Or they will skip to the next chapter since they know for absolutely certainty it can’t be them. They’re perfect after all.

On the other hand if you are going in your head right now thinking about everything you might have said or done to upset your coworkers you are likely not the one at fault.

You see the people who act like jerks are usually blind to their own shortcomings. That’s essentially what makes them jerks.

They usually lack the ability reflect on their behavior in different situations. For example, they might not realize someone felt they were being rude and got insulted. Then when the counterpart reacts by retaliation, the jerk (blind to his/hers own rude behavior) will feel bullied and the victim.

It’s essentially a deep lack of empathy that results in antisocial behavior. It usually goes hand in hand with feeling superior to others and always blaming others or the world for your problems.

So you are ready to do some intense self reflection and think about if maybe you have some fault in the fact all your colleagues seem to hate you?

I have a few questions for you. If you answer yes to most of them you should probably work on your social skills.

Do you point out other peoples mistakes when there’s no real need to?

Do you criticize other peoples appearance, behavior and actions?

Do you pass blame instead of owning up to your own mistakes?

Do you make negative assumptions about peoples motives and actions?

Do you gossip?

Do you enjoy it when someone else fails?

Do you feel envious when someone else succeeds?

Do you assume other people know how you feel without telling them?

Do you like having power over other people?

Do you think you are better than others?

Do you think the world revolves around you? (I know nobody thinks like this consciously, but many do subconsciously. It takes quite a bit of honest introspection to realize if you do too.)

Do you take others into consideration when making decisions?

These are clearly just the tip of the iceberg, but if you recognize yourself in most of those questions, it highly likely you are the reason your coworkers hate you.

Then again if any of those questions didn’t ring any bells, you are either a saint or fooling yourself. They are all very human things to do after all.

How to determine if it’s all in your head?

Depression and anxiety can make people think weird stuff. I know this from firsthand experience. When you are depressed the whole world can seem to be against you. If you also suffer from social anxiety it can be very easy to misunderstand a social situation.

You might for example feel someone was being rude or hateful towards you when they didn’t say hi or make eye contact in the cafeteria. When in reality they just might be going through stuff in their head or maybe they have social anxiety as well.

When your coworkers hate you

Depression and anxiety puts a negative spin to everything and they make our world and life very self-centered. A depressed person cannot see that other people are not probably trying to bully them, they might even trying to be friendly or just ignoring them. The other person might not even register a situation the depressed person felt was threatening.

I know this might feel harsh if you are depressed, but it’s true. I’ve suffered my fair share of depression and have recognized this behavior in myself.

So if you suspect you might have depression or some form of anxiety disorder, I wouldn’t make too hasty assumptions about colleagues hating you. It might literally be in your head. The only way to find out is to get your head together first.

Depression and anxiety are no jokes and they can really lower the quality of your life, so please act immediately if you think you might be suffering from them. Below are a few links to helpful resources that can help you determine if you might have depression or anxiety and where to get help.

Please talk to your doctor or health care provider before making any diagnoses or assumptions, this is serious stuff.

Depression tests

Psychology Today

Psycom

Help

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America

Mental Health America

What to do if it’s you

So you have come to the conclusion your own behavior might be the reason your coworkers do not like you? And you kept reading this far? Congratulations! There is hope for you yet.

If you honestly think it’s not you, skip to the next chapter.

Like I stated before, real jerks never own up to their mistakes or see their own faults. If you are able to recognize bad behavior on your part the good news is you can fix it!

The bad news is it’s probably going to take some time and quite frankly it probably won’t be very enjoyable. But it’s worth it in the end because you will grow as a person and… well, you know… you stop being a jerk!

The first step to growing as a person is recognizing the problem. You have now recognized the main problem: your behavior towards other people needs work.

Next it’s time to zero in on the details. What it is exactly you do to trigger other peoples defenses?

The whole subject of self-improvement and personal growth is too wast to go into detail here but there is one book I would recommend to someone in your situation.

It’s the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. Don’t let the name fool you, the book is not about not caring about other people. It’s quite the opposite. It can really help you recognize what’s important in life and what are your core values.

If you are constantly rude and selfish or otherwise difficult in other peoples eyes, your root values are probably rotten and selfish. It’s time to change them. So read the book and thank me later.

And no, the book is not going to fix you. You are going to have to do that. It just points you to the right direction.

What to do if it’s the others

So you gave it a good honest think through and you honestly think you are decent person that shouldn’t be the cause of all this hate? And you are pretty sure you are not depressed? Great!

That leaves as with the third option that it’s actually the coworkers. There are many reasons this might be the case and in most of them you have nothing to do with it. You are just the collateral damage.

The main variable here is if you are new or have been with the company a longer time. If you are the new guy/gal, any frustrations within the work community are easy to take out on you. It’s not fair, but it happens.

If you’ve been with the company for some time already then the essential question is did things change recently? Were your coworkers hostile towards you before or did something happen that made you the target. Maybe someone got laid off and some of your coworkers think it should have been you? You can try to find out the reason and get to the root of the cause.

Hostile things like racism are unfortunately still rampant in modern society so it’s also possible you are the target of a hate crime in action.

You have to accept that their behavior might never change and you have to make the decision if the job is worth being hated. In my opinion nothing is worth suffering daily hateful behavior.

If you decide it’s not worth it, it’s time to make an exit plan. No matter how bad the situation is, it’s never wise to leave with the doors banging. I know, they probably deserve it, but you have to realize you are the only one who will suffer if you piss off a former employer.

New employers will ask around and if you’ve been professional about your resignation the former employer would have to be pretty horrible and unprofessional to give a bad word about you. It does happen though, people can be real assholes.

Then again, if you tell your old coworkers and bosses to shove it and trash talk about the company, you can be sure they will give a bad word to your potential new employer. Even if they deserved it.

Conclusion

I hope this helped you solve why your coworkers might hate you. I hope you all the best in your situation. It’s not a good one, no matter who’s at fault.

Please check the resources I pointed out if you read this far. I really think they can help you.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to drop a comment below. I promise to answer as fast as possible!

 

 

 

 

How to setup an affiliate website

How to set up an affiliate website in WordPress

So in my last post I talked about purchasing an expired domain to gain some SEO advantage over the competition. In today’s post I’ll talk about how to set up an affiliate website using WordPress as the content management system.

If you read my last post, you will know I purchased a promising expired domain, with a good backlink profile. Now it’s time to activate the domain and install WordPress on it and start creating content.

I will show you exactly how I setup my fresh WordPress installation to optimize SEO, usability and security. There are also couple important legal notifications that are pretty much required on every website, especially if you intent to use affiliate marketing on the site.

How to setup an affiliate website

If you are new to affiliate marketing or blogging it can be really overwhelming to even set up WordPress. Just think about how hard this stuff was a decade or two ago when content management system really weren’t a thing. You had to know A LOT more technical stuff just to get a website up and running.

Even though setting up WordPress can seem complicated it really isn’t. You just have to know what to do. WordPress being as popular as it is, means there are a ton of free tutorials, themes and resources. Too many actually.

The problem is with finding what is important and what is not. You can spend hours and hours reading about plugins and end up more confused than you were when you started.

The steps I’m about to show are very simple, but every one of them is important and hours of research has been put behind them. So without further ado, let’s get to it!

1. Installing WordPress

Naturally we will start by installing WordPress on our domain. I will not walk you through this as there are plenty of tutorials that show this step-by-step depending on where you host your domain.

Most of the larger hosting companies these days offer a one click WordPress install, since it is the go-to CMS for most bloggers and casual webmasters. If you are on a hosting service/server that requires you to do it manually you probably won’t end up reading my material any ways.

On the other hand if your hosting service requires manual installation through FTP and you don’t know how to do it, just chance your service provider. The internet has evolved sot that you don’t need to know or even understand all the technical stuff anymore. Sure, it can help, but creating a successful, profitable website is completely doable without prior technical knowledge.

I use Wealthy Affiliate as my hosting service currently, since they offer a very easy and fast user interface which allow me to focus my efforts on the stuff that really matter like SEO, content creation and research. So it’s a resource thing really. I would love to know more about the tech stuff but currently I simply don’t have the time.

Fortunately I grew up in a time where I had to create my first website in raw HTML and know how to use FTP. But that just means I’m getting old I guess :).

2. Choosing a theme

The first thing we’ll do after installing WordPress on our domain is choosing a WordPress theme. There are couple things I look for in a theme.

Firstly it has to look clean. By that I mean I don’t want tons of columns, widgets and changing pictures. Of course this depends somewhat on the site and what it’s geared towards. But especially on a blog I want everything to be super clean and simplistic.

The reason for this is that simple and minimalistic themes load faster, which is increasingly important for ranking in searches engines. Simple layouts also work better in mobile devices. They generally show the reader only the main column content and a simplified menu. That’s why you want anything worth reading be in there.

Secondly, a theme has to be modular. By this I mean I have to be able change the header and footer layouts, the widgets, colors and fonts. The reason for this is that changing a specific part of your website layout can be a real pain in the ass. You don’t always get that with free themes but I prefer modularity when possible. Sure you can always edit the CSS but that requires extensive research and you risk losing your modifications on every theme update.

You can of course change your theme any time you wish in WordPress. There are some risks however and the larger your site gets the larger and more likely the risks get. Things like broken links and misplaced content are known to happen, so always back up your site before installing a new theme.

For my expired domain project I chose a theme called Shuttle Corporate by Shuttle Themes.

Shuttle corporate theme previewTo be honest I just browsed through the themes featured in Wealthy Affiliates website installer and went with this one as it seemed clean and pretty simplistic.

I’m not 100% sure with the direction of the site and this seemed like something that go with a simple blog or with more of a business/authority site.

Just as I’m writing this WordPress 5.0 rolled out and it has a completely new feature called box editor. It seems like something I could use to create a whole layout instead of a theme. I have to do some research and I promise to write more about it in the future!

3. Removing test post and page

WordPress publishes a test page and a test post when first installed. It goes without saying these add no value to your website, so remove them. You can find them – not surprisingly – under the posts and pages tabs in your WordPress interface.

Removing test post and page in Wordprss

You then just hover over them with your mouse and choose Trash. And it’s done just like that! Now repeat on the post/page.

4. Installing Plug-ins

Next it’s time to install some important plug ins. These are the ones I know I’ll need on every site and install them straight away. I use other and without a doubt you will as well. Just be aware some plug-ins can slow your website down and just having too many in general is a bad thing.

You need to go to the Plugins tab in your WordPress interface and click on the ‘Add new‘ and search for each plugin manually.

The plugins I install on a fresh WordPress are:

  • All in one SEO Pack, an SEO optimization tool. This one is important and comes pre-installed on every WA WordPress site.
  • Comment link Remove, This removes the links from comments people leave on your posts. After reading a lot about backlinks I’m convinced you shouldn’t have any unintentional outward links on your site even if they are NoFollow. Different themes handle the comment section differently so this plugin is great for making sure your comments aren’t spammed with unwanted links.
  • Cookie Notice This plug-in shows a small popup banner that notifies users about cookies. It’s function is to makes sure your site complies with the UK and EU Cookie and GDPR regulations.
  • EWWW Image Optimizer Compresses images without losing quality. Very important for fast load times, which is an important ranking factor.
  • Pretty links Helps to mask long and nasty looking affiliate links.
  • WP GDPR Compliance, Like cookie notice, this one is required because of the EU GDPR regulations. Asks a permission to store comment contact details. Also, makes it possible for users to request any data stored about them.

 

Wordpress plugins on a fresh install

You can spot from the above screenshot there are couple other plug-ins installed, like Redirection and YouTube. These are something I might use on that site but they are not something you have to have installed.

Redirection is great for redirecting moved content as Google doesn’t like 404 errors. The YouTube plugin gives some options to your standard WordPress video embed features.

Finally, you will need to activate all the plugins. You can do it individually on every plugin or just activate everything and update as a bulk action.

5. Set up All-in-one SEO

So now that we have our plugins installed, it’s time to set up All in one SEO. Go to the All in one SEO general settings page.

All in one SEO general settings

For now, we are going to leave everything as is, except for two things. We are going to add a home title and a home description. These are important because they are essentially your calling card in the eyes of the search engines and their users. So make a snappy home title and describe what your site is about in couple short sentences. Try to make it intriguing.

all in one seo home page settings

The other item we are going to edit is the Keyword settings. Just enable it and let it do it’s magic. No need to edit other attributes here.

all in one seo keyword settings

 

6. Set up GDPR Compliance plugin

Next I will setup the GDPR Compliance plugin. This one won’t affect your rankings but it’s important from a legal perspective. The GDPR regulations of the European Union dictate all websites that have users from within the EU to inform what user data is being gathered and stored, how that data is being stored and contact information for removal of said data.

The GDPR legislation is meant to offer protection of personal data and privacy. It has caused a lot of hassle to all businesses in the EU but the goal behind is noble. Think of it what you will, but if you have visitors on your website from within the EU, you need to have this setup to have all your bases covered from a legal standpoint.

The other option is to blog traffic from EU but that would be stupid as that’s a good third of internet users who seek information in English.

Setting up the plugin is pretty straight forward. Just go to your installed plugins and scroll down to the GDPR compliance plugin and click settings.

WP GDPR compliance settings

Activate the WordPress comments fields. This will ask any comment for a permission to store their contact information.

Next go to the Settings tab and activate the Request User Data page. It will create a page called Data Access Request. You will find it under your pages section, it will not be visible by default so go to the page and change the visibility to public.

GDPR request user data

That’s it for the GDPR!

7. Set up the Comment link remove plugin

Finally we will setup the Comment link remove plugin. Like I said before this is important for controlling the outward links of your website that could lead to negative SEO results.

If you use a theme that allows to remove the comment link option you might not need this. On the other hand if you decide to change your theme later on you might activate the comment links by accident and this plugin would take care of that.

If you already have a site with comments, you can use this plugin to remove the links from them as well.

Remove comment link plugin settings

Go to the QC CLR settings tab in your WordPress interface and in the General Settings choose

  • Remove WEBSITE field from comment form
  • Remove hyper-link from comment AUTHOR bio
  • Disable turning URLs into hyperlinks in comments
  • Remove HTML comments globally
              •  

There’s no need to touch the other settings. Save changes and you’re good to go!

You’re good to go!

The rest of the plugins I introduced in this post don’t need settings changed for now besides being activated. You can edit their settings as you see proper when you learn more about this stuff and have a better vision about your website and content.

That’s it with the basic settings and plugins! Now it’s time to start creating some incredible content. You should start with creating a Privacy Policy and an about me page like shown in the Wealthy Affiliate training.

The first level of the training is completely free by the way and full of great information. You just need to create an account, they don’t even ask for your credit card so there are no strings attached.

I’ll continue by creating some content on my expired domain and I still have my Keyword Golden Ratio project to work on as well. I wonder where I’ll find the time to run all three websites :). So wish me luck and check back soon for updates!

P.S. I’m sure I left some important stuff and steps out so don’t hesitate to ask on the comments section below. I promise to answer as soon as possible!