Having a hard time getting depressed? You’ve come to the right place! I’ll show you just how to become depressed in a few simple steps.
Depression is so common these days you have to be really unlucky to not have experienced it first hand. Hell, even the economy is enjoying depression so it’s not fair you are being left out. Let’s see what we can do about that!
I have 6 tips that can improve your odds of becoming depressed in case your life has thus far been only exciting, fun and full of enjoyable experiences. I truly get that you feel like you are missing out on something big.
So if you are happy with your life, you might have to make a fresh start to truly succeed in becoming depressed. So consider your life choices thus far to see where you went wrong and start applying these tips today!
I’ve tried most of these tips myself or know someone who has had great success with them, so I can guarantee they work!
1. Get an education you don’t like
The first step to becoming miserable is getting an education in a field you aren’t really passionate about. The best way to go about this is by listening to the recommendations of your parents or friends.
If their recommendations seem too interesting, it’s always a good option to just think about the money. Find a career plan that pays well but is mind-numbingly boring and stressful. Like law school!
Whatever you do, don’t trust your gut and intuition. Let society, media and your loved ones pressure you into something you don’t find interesting. Essentially, let someone else make the decision for you!
The best thing about education for getting depressed is that it costs a ton and it’s just the bare minimum to even get employed. Some times we depressed people wish there was an option.
2. Find a boring job
So you got an education in some mundane field. Great! The next step is to get a job that is either so boring it sucks the life out of you or so stressful that you start to hate every minute of it. Bonus if you can combine both!
Work stress is really efficient for bringing out depression, so if you feel like it, you could consider taking on a second or a third job.
You could pick one that is boring, one that is super stressful and one that messes up your sleeping patterns for the full effect.
The main thing is that it should be something you feel like you have to do instead of wanting to do it and it should sap you out of energy just enough that you can’t really enjoy your free time.
This way depression should be inevitable eventually. But we have to take a few more steps to ensure you succeed!.
3. Get in debt
There are few things that take away your free choice as effectively as being in debt. And we all know that depression likes to hang around with desperation.
In case your education didn’t leave you in big enough debt to make you feel depressed, my advice is to get a mortgage or two.
For depression, it’s best to invest in real estate in places where the values are only going down so that you are stuck with the mortgage and the real estate for life. This way you can’t escape depression by selling your assets and getting a nicer job.
If you are determined to get depressed you can go the extra mile and find a house with water damage. Nothing gets your depression going as well as a little mold-induced asthma!
5. Work too much
Yeah I know I skipped point 4, but that’s kinda what it feels like being depressed. You either forget things or don’t feel like doing them in the first place. Let this be your first-hand depression experience, a gift from me to you.
There is no better way to get to experience depression than by working too much for too long in a job you hate. It literally sucks the life out from you.
If you applied the previous steps correctly, you have a good change achieving this out of necessity. You have to pay the bills somehow to get out of debt or simply make the ends meet.
If you still feel like you have too much cash, you could try getting expensive hobbies and commodities that you never have time to use. Having them around will increase your anxiety which usually helps with becoming depressed.
6. Try to be witty when in reality you likely have below-average IQ
This one is just a reminder for myself. Carry on.
So there you go! 5 or 6 or something tips on how to become depressed. Who has the energy to count?
This piece was inspired by long hours in the office combined with using all my free time writing about online business. If you made it this far, congratulations!
People are actually searching for information on how to get depressed online so I thought why not share my tips. You gotta love SEO.
Tell me what you thought about my tips and share your own in the comments section below! The best tips will be awarded (whatever the hell that means over here)!
Oh, in case you did stumble here through a search engine, don’t get depressed, do this instead!
See you next time (yeah right…)